Motherhood – The Hardest Job in America

Did you ever stop to ask yourself what the hardest job in America might be?

The US unemployment rate is hovering just above 8% and many college graduates are having a difficult time finding the right job. Companies are always looking for the right people and once they find them, they have to make sure they are leveraging their strengths in a positive way for both the employee and the company. As Jim Collins said in his classic book Good to Great, you’ve not only got to get the right people “on the bus,” you’ve got to get them in the right seats.

So what is the toughest job in America? The President of the United States? A Brain Surgeon? A Coal Miner? Ice Road Trucker? Lindsay Lohan’s probation officer?

Not even close!

In my humble opinion, the hardest job in America (if not the world) is being a mother.

Think about this. What other job do you work 24 hours a day, seven days a week? I mean, even the folks at L.L. Bean, 7-11 and Waffle House get a day off every now and then.

What other job do you have to work as a maid, nurse, chef, executive secretary, travel agent, chauffeur, psychiatrist, veterinarian, dietician, fashion consultant, gardener, scorekeeper and still need to find some time for yourself?

In what other job will you get insubordination because you left the crust on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or because that favorite pair of blue jeans that were in the bottom of the hamper aren’t clean for school? In what other job can you kiss a boo-boo and make it all better?

In addition to the necessary reproductive system, it takes a lot to be a mother and even more to be a good one. Here is the…

Basic Anatomy of a Mother

Head – A mother’s head should be covered with lots of hair because throughout the time on the job some events may cause the hair to fall out (assuming it hasn’t been pulled out already). The more you can have at the beginning, the better.

Brain – It should have large memory capabilities for birth dates, names of friends (both good ones and ones you prefer they stay away from) and even the occasional excuse that has been used before. Also, the brain should be able to impart lots of wisdom that is often stored away by children for use later in their lives. (I.e. when they have kids themselves). You will always seem smarter once your children have their own children and they begin to remember your sage advice and parenting skills.

Ears – Extra hearing capabilities will usually be installed during the labor process. This will allow you to hear children (and husbands) mumbling under their breath and also let you tune out blasting stereos, video games and whining.

Eyes – The eyes should be able to focus quickly, light up with pride during a school play or be empathetic after a strike out, missed shot or fumble. They should definitely be able to stare daggers into the heart of loved ones, insuring that no words are necessary to make your position clear. While never proven by children or male doctors, some of the best mothers have even been rumored to have an extra set of eyes in the back of their heads. 

Nose – A mother can smell a soiled diaper from two rooms away, they will know when you’ve stepped in dog poop and don’t even try to sneak in after having a few drinks during your high school days. Police forces across the country only wish their breathalyzer equipment was a precise as a mother’s nose. They have also been known to appreciate the scent of fresh cut flowers delivered on special occasions or for no reason at all.

Mouth – It should be big enough to call the family to the dinner table but small enough to sing a quiet lullaby. The mouth should never be used to insult or demean a child. The mother’s mouth should also have the capabilities of eating in small, quick doses as she is usually the last to sit at meals.

Shoulders – Move over Atlas! You want to talk about carrying the weight of the world? The burdens of the family, each child’s life and anything affecting it will usually be borne by the moms. It is suggested to all children and husbands to occasionally rub Mom’s shoulders and whisper “I love you” or “thanks” in their ears.

Backbone – Moms need this, not only when dealing with you but, for all the obstacles you will face in your life before you’re able to handle them on your own. A small piece of this backbone will be silently bequeathed to all children of each mother to be carried on in their own grown up lives.

Stomachs – All mother’s stomachs will come with a special steel lining. Remember those Easy Bake ovens when you were a kid? Remember the Kool Aid stands when you forgot to put sugar in the mixture? Remember the time you threw up in your bed and down the front of your pajamas? Enough said.

Legs – She needs these to teach you how to stand up for what you believe in. Also to kick you in the butt when you get out of line.

Arms – Used for holding hands when you are scared, patting you on the back to let you know you’ve done well and for the kind of hugs that only a Mom can give.

Heart – Perhaps the most important part of any mother’s anatomy. This heart will share joy and feel pain. It will give unconditional love. It will love every child equally and honestly. It is the biggest part of your Mom that you will hold forever. Be careful not to break it and always return the love it gives you.

To my Mom – I love you. Thanks for everything you have ever done for me.

To my wife, Ronda – I love you. Thanks for being a wonderful mother to our two children – Riley and Ryan.

From Carp’s Corner to all the mothers out there…Thanks for all you do. Enjoy a Happy Mother’s Day.

Photo Credit: Photologue_np via Creative Commons

Photo Credit: Sean Carpenter via Camera+